Even Neo wants marriage and family

A couple of weeks ago, Keanu Reeves/Neo got some headlines when he made public his desire for a family. He was quoted as saying: “I’m trying not to be alone so much and it’s a struggle. I want to get married. I want to have kids. That’s at the top of the mountain. I’ve got to climb the mountain first. I’ll do it. Just give me some time.”

Apparently, it didn't take much time. This week he made news by acting on it—reportedly proposing to his girlfriend. [Reeves, who is almost 42 came close to family in the past when he conceived a daughter who was stillborn at 8 months and then the girl's mom was killed in a car accident two years later.]

Never much of a celebrity watcher, I have a hard time understanding why the personal whims and desires of the rich and famous are newsworthy. I guess Reeves' confession stood out, however, because leading men aren't typically known for articulating a desire for family. Consistent with what we've been talking about--it just goes against the conventional wisdom.

I appreciated the one comment we received implying that just because men aren't as vocal about these issues doesn't mean they don't matter to them. I hope this discussion can encourage more men to surprise the people around them by simply articulating the desire they've quietly held for family. Of course the bigger surprise will be when those men act boldly on that desire.

What are Men Doing about it?

It's been refreshing to hear from the guys out there. I'm glad to know the CDC report is stirring up conversation. My question for all you male readers, in light of the fact that you agree with these stats, is what specifically are you doing to get to marriage? What steps are you taking to move toward the altar? Maybe the gals are missing your cues and need a little insight.

The reality remains: despite what we say we want, men and women are marrying later than ever. Best case scenario is that our actions are not matching up with our desires. Now that we've identified the desire, let's talk about actions.

Men of faith also value marriage more than women

I've been digging deeper into the CDC study I mentioned. It's fascinating to see men holding more traditional views on several key issues. I said in my last post that it would be interesting to know what the faith breakdown among participants is. The study sorted out religious factors by asking how important religion was in a person's daily life and then also classified their religious affiliation into the following categories: None, Fundamentalist Protestant, Other Protestant, Catholic and Other Religion. There's plenty to be said about where faith either does or doesn't make a difference on several major issues such as sexual attitudes and activity, cohabitation, divorce, etc.

A key finding is the issue of faith, gender and attitude toward singleness. The conventional wisdom is that Christian women desire marriage but have difficulty finding men who do. As I mentioned previously, the CDC study found that more men than women valued marriage over singleness. This was also true by a large margin between men and women who said religion is very important as well as those categorized as Fundamentalist Protestant.

What follows is a comparison of the percentage of men and women 15-44 years of age who either agree or strongly agree with the statement, "It is better to get married than to go through life being single," according to selected characteristics.

Total males--65.8%
Total females--50.6%

Fundamentalist Protestant males--68%
Fundamentalist Protestant females--59.3%

Males to whom religion is very important--73.6%
Females to whom religion is very important--57%

Males to whom religion is not very important--56.9%
Females to whom religion is not very important--38.7%

Notice that the percentage of men to whom religion is not very important comes in just 0.1% behind females who say religion is very important in their agreement on getting married vs. going through life single.

How would you explain this difference?

Are men more interested in marriage and family?

For years, we’ve heard young Christian women complain about a lack of Christian men interested in marriage and family. News reports bemoan men who won’t commit. Occasionally stories slip through about marriage-minded men who are rebuffed by women who aren’t ready to settle down, but typically, we hear the opposite.

A recent USA Today story turns conventional wisdom on its head and shows that single men may actually desire family more than women.

The article is based on a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study that asked more than 12,000 men and women ages 15 to 44 about sex, living together, marriage, divorce and parenting. USA Today describes the study as providing “the government's first comprehensive glimpse into the male psyche.”

It includes surprising stats, such as the following:

• To the statement "It is better to get married than go through life single," 66% of men agreed, compared with 51% of women.
• To the statement "It is more important for a man to spend a lot of time with his family than be successful at his career," 76% of men and 72% of women agreed.
• 55% of men and 46% of women intend to have a child.

I’m curious what this breakdown looks like within the Christian community. Research has shown that faith is a factor in making men more open to marriage and family—and yet many of our readers say that can’t find those men in their churches.

What do you think about this study?