Plenty of Men to Go Around!
This week's boundless webzine features two articles of interest to our blog readers. The first revisits my homeownership series, only this time from a purely financial perspective. The second, reflected in the title above, debunks a myth that's lately gained steam. Namely: the belief that Christian single women outnumber the men and therefore doom many to unwanted, lifelong, singleness.
Thanks to Mike Theemling (see comments) for taking the stats even further. He did a little research on his own and found that not only are their more single Christian men than women, but there actually more of them -- the men -- in church. I know that won't square with what a lot of the female readers are experiencing; it's not true in every church, but it's encouraging to know it's true overall.
I suspect part of the anecdotal evidence that furthers the perception that women outnumber men comes from mainline churches where, according to journalist Allan Dobras, the pews are filled with older, more female parishioners. In "Men at Church," Dobras blames the exodus of young people, including men, on
the denial of the authority of Scripture which gave rise to an apostate clergy and the "cafeteria Christian" who selects from the Bible those portions of scripture that he/she chooses to accept.
Once Scriptural authority was compromised, it served as an opportunity to rethink human sexuality and introduce the legitimization of homosexuality, which has become the most divisive and polarizing issue in the modern church.
I'd add to that the redefining of the roles men and women play; leaving both sexes confused about how to initiate, function and progress in romantic relationships.
I'll be coming back to this issue in next month's Boundless column.
Till then, I think the best encouragement is that the perception of too few men is a fallacy and the more biblically sound your church is, the more likely it is to appeal to men and more accurately reflect the numbers.
posted by AuthorMama @ 7:48 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Mike Theemling said...
Not really related to the discussion, but after reading Candice's Boundless article "Plenty of Men to Go Around" and reading some rebuttals out there (not directly but challenging the stats) like this one http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/125/32.0.html
I did my own research and found the following:
According to the U.S. Census Bureau American Community Survey (not as comprehensive as a complete census but statistically very close), in 2004 here is the breakdown of single, never married (Note: It did not include those who lived in institutions, college dorms, or other group quarters).
http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/STTable?_bm=y&-geo_id=01000US&-qr_name=ACS_2004_EST_G00_S1201&-ds_name=ACS_2004_EST_G00_&-redoLog=false
- Males (20-44): 20,073,988
- Females (20-44): 16,529,949
Now combine this with the Barna numbers (2006). 43% of people in the "Buster" generation (ages 23-41) are regular church attenders. So we adjust these numbers to get an estimated:
- Males (20-44): 8,631,814
- Females (20-44): 7,107,878
Again, be aware the numbers will be a bit off because the ages don't completely overlap (age 20-44 vs. 23-41)
However, women (any age) are more likely than men to attend church on a regular basis (50% to 44%, respectively). If we use the Census Bureau numbers alone we get
Males (20-44) who attend church regularly: 8,832,555
Females (20-44) who attend church regularly: 8,264,975
Now we don't know who of these men/women are BOTH regular churchgoers AND in the "Buster" generation, but I think it's reasonable to conclude that the number of women who fall into this category would still outnumber the men.
CONCLUSION: Single never married men in that age group (20-44) outnumber women at church.
QED
So ladies, all the single never married men are right there in church with you, and there are more of them than you.
I don't disagree, and I'm thankful for such reassurances. But I hope you are not trying to infer that all unmarried Christians are Biblically required to pursue marriage, because I would have to emphatically disagree. I'm not saying this as an excuse for all those people who prefer to be unmarried. But even Paul encourages those who have enough self-control to remain unmarried. 1 Corinthians 7:1
The opening scene in "Plenty of Men to Go Around" was horrifying but true, in my experience. And the end was encouraging (but maddening – we really have to wait a whole month?!). Out of the many young women I am acquainted with, more than half are unmarried, with absolutely no prospects, and less and less hope as the years go by. (I am of course only referring to the ones who WANT to get married – which, by the way, includes all of them!). The ones who ARE married or engaged had seemingly no problems finding someone. The weirdest thing about all of this is that there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it! And yet I don’t believe in luck…
I was born with a personality that, developed in a non-Christian environment, would have been completely pessimistic. However, with the help of God, (and my family) I now consider myself quite an optimist. I do want to get married, and happily expect to (I grin confidently in the face of such trifling obstacles such as never having been on a date or even asked out on one), but I also have a burden for the many wonderful young women I know (though I steer clear of matchmaking, which is much too scary a role). In fact, one day in a spirit of fun and concern, I began writing a husband hunting guide (Hunting for a Husband: The Good Girl’s Guide to Getting a Great Guy)! It pretty much consisted of creative places to go and ways to meet likeminded Christians. I gave up the project because I realized something about myself in the process. I was too shy to follow through with any of the great ideas I had come up with! I hate to admit it, but I kinda wish that not only would guys be willing to initiate the relationship, but that…well, they’d be willing to come find us too!
One other thought that has occurred to me – as much as I respect the many young Christian men out there, it seems to me that there is a lack of vision among them for family (here at least). I am speaking from my heart: my parents have been leaders in the home education community in our town for many years, and time after time we’ve seen the sons of these families(whose values are so strong but who lacked direction for their boys) turn to the world, often keeping their Christian designation, but doing things that destroy their potential to be good husbands/fathers. I don’t know what it is like in other states, but it seems Satan has a grip on ours. I have a vision for making it a brilliant light for Christ and a place where marriage is honored and family esteemed, but the darkness is at times very great. As for my own small dreams for marriage and family – well, I just wish Dr. Dobson had written “Bringing Up Boys” in time for my generation!
Here's the thing I'm really worried about: I do not think that getting married should be the be-all, get-all of Christianity.
Now I don't mean to downplay it. I know it's important. The Bible says we shouldn't marry unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14). My heart has been broken by dear friends who have moved in with, slept with, or married unbelievers (in no particular order).
I'm just really concerned that marriage is being placed on a pedestal it doesn't deserve. Marriage is a fantastic blessing for those whom God chooses to bless, and the lives of those who marry are usually improved because they married. However, if God has plans for a person that do not include marriage, their life can be just as wonderful. Bottom line, the most important thing in life is Jesus. Everything else (including marriage and children) is secondary to Him.
It just seems to me that if I devote my life to following God, to living for Him and loving for him, that everything else will fall into place. So I think seeking a mate should be second to pursuing God.
First of all, having a Masters in Statistics, I am well aware that: A) They can be misleading if presented or interpreted in the wrong way and B) Statistics often represent an AVERAGE which tells nothing of how much skewed data you have (it's called "variance" in statistical terminology).
I am the first to be skeptical of any statistics, and that is why I started to investigate the allegations that Candice made in her article.
As I stated in my findings, the most important piece of data we don't have is how many of these young churchgoers are BOTH never married AND a particular gender. The only things we do know is that women in general attend church more regularly than men, and that in the category of single never married (ages 20-44) there are more men than women. It is possible that within the 6% difference in women attending church that most of them fall into the 20-44 age group thus outweighing the men majority, but I suspect that is not the case.
"How then do you reconcile the numbers with the seemingly contradictory experiences?" youi may ask. Well, as Robert said, it could be that you have a lot of "skewed" churches where church A has a lot more single men and church B with a lot more single women. Another possibility which has been well documented is that women are simply more vocal and thus give the IMPRESSION that this is the case. For example, it may seem like the majority of Americans think homosexual behavior is OK (you never see any condemnation of it on TV) but a strong majority of Americans actually do not. It's just that the minority of those who do are more vocal about it giving the impression that acceptance is more than what it really is. This may be why most people conclude since there are more women on E-harmony that there must be more women in general who are single or seek marriage.
From a guy's perspective though, I will say that although the perception as a whole is that men are more picky than women, some initial research (through my own data gathering) shows that women are no less picky than men. I've posted how that despite INITIATING contact with ladies online and making clear I am interested in marriage/family, and meet a lot of a girl's "checklist" I still get ignored by 95% of them.
It's almost like a paradox in our society (Christian or not). We KNOW that the whole point of dating is to try and find a marriage partner, but it's taboo to bring up the "M" word early on.
Finally, I think it's a bit funny too that the Christianity Today article which rips Maken's book seems to offer no viable alternatives as a solution other than to hint that "maybe you should stop pursuing marriage and the whole problem will fix itself".
I do welcome the questions and objections to what I or Candice or Steve writes. It shows that we are in dialogue about the issue and I think that's kind of the main point to this whole blog thing.
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