Where to Begin

To Jennifer, who asked, "So, as a young woman, how do you practice these principles?" I'd say before you can practice them, you have to know and understand them. The starting point is God's Word. Understanding the Creator's design for us and for our relationship with Him and with others begins with pondering His Word.

David wrote, "O God, you are my God,earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water" (Psalm 63:1). If ever a culture was like a desert, it is ours. We need the daily nourishing and refreshment that comes from reading and pondering the truth revealed in the Bible.

As we internalize what we find there, applying the principles to real life will become part of our character.

A Woman Worth Having

Today I was with a group of friends studying what the Bible says about being female. It was a lively discussion and at one point, we turned to Proverbs 31. I've always loved that passage, even when it made me feel completely inadequate, if only because it helped me to aim at a lofty goal. Until today, however, I viewed the passage as a description of a woman who's at least 60; someone well seasoned by life's experiences with the maturity to show for it.

These verses still inspire me to strive for excellence, but now I see them differently. Though they're about a married woman in the context of her family, they were written primarily for young men to remind them that women who make good wives are hidden. Like precious gems they're hard to find. It takes looking. It takes work. It takes diligence.

For women, these verses are vital instruction for what makes them desirable for marriage.

When the single men we know tell me they've met a great girl, now I'll ask more than "what does she look like?" I want to know if she has wisdom: Is her beauty enhanced by her soul? Is she compassionate and just? What makes her eyes light up? What are her skills and how does she use them? Will she embrace the gift of children? When the babies arrive, will she "come home"?

And to the single female friend who wonders if maybe she's not pretty enough for the men she knows, I'd encourage her to not worry so exclusively about outward appearance. Yes, it's important to make the most of what you've been given -- woman is, after all, the glory of man. And some of that glory has to do with physical beauty. But a deep and lovely soul adds inestimable value while one that's selfish and shallow can make even a perfect face and figure ugly.

Frustration's a Clue

There's a reason so many young single women are frustrated by their male friends: we want them to stop being satisfied with less than a full commitment. Why? Because we were designed for marriage. Hanging out on the weekend's great. Going to movies and dinner and on long walks is nice. Getting together to talk and shoot the breeze fills a need. But it's not enough. Don't be ashamed that you want something more. Something long term. Something permanent.

God made marriage for our good and for His glory. Thankfully He's still in the business of forming families. As the Psalmist wrote in Psalm 68:6 "God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."

If you're tired of waiting for the guy in your life to take initiative, you've come to the right place. But don't propose just yet. There's a lot you can do to motivate him to action without actually popping the question. For starters, read what I did with Steve.

Something's Afoot

In the last two weeks four single women have asked me for advice about getting the men in their lives to take initiative. And that doesn't include all the email that's pouring into Boundless.org about the same problem. As women, it's easy to think we must not be giving theses guys enough hints about our interest in them. But maybe we're giving too many. Suzanne Hadley's article "Not Your Buddy" is the best I've seen about what's really going on in the mind of men who seem to be stuck on pause.