Are Houses and Husbands Mutually Exclusive?

Steve rarely travels. And when he does, I always have a friend come stay with me -- both to help with the kids and to keep me company. I've just never wanted to live alone.

It seems I'm in the minority. Sales of homes are up among single women. In fact, they've displaced single men as more likely to buy homes alone.

The last time Steve traveled, I got a call from a Fox News show to be interviewed about the phenomenon. At the time I figured it made financial sense and for women, it represented their desire to nest and have a place from which to give life. I really wanted to do the interview and spent hours thinking about what I'd say. I didn't want to be the stereotypical "right-winger." I wanted to say something provocative, something fresh and something biblical. What I came up with was that single women buy homes because it's financially savvy. But they don't do it out of a sense of feminist pride. On the contrary, most women have an inborn desire to nest. They want a secure place where their friends can come and receive life. For the majority of women it's not about girl power, it's about relationships.

In the end, I was bumped. I think they went for someone more controversial. At the time I wasn't willing to say, "buying homes without husbands isn't a good thing for our culture." But now that I've finished reading Getting Serious about Getting Married, I'm just not so sure anymore. I'm starting to wonder if for many single women, equity precludes matrimony. You can read the full story at boundless.org. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I Dare You

To Elena who said she hasn't yet read Maken's book, Getting Serious About Getting Married, I can only say: READ IT! This is a book that will get you thinking in a whole new direction. It's worth your time and effort.

What's most different about Debbie's book is that unlike so many others (even one or two of the books mentioned in Elena's comment), Getting Serious is steeped in Scripture and historical evidence. It is biblical. It is bold. In some cases shocking. Even now I'm finishing up an article for Boundless about the pros and cons of moving out of your family's home prior to getting married. Honestly, I would not have written this article last week. But this book has me rethinking my assumptions. Ironically, the things I find hardest to swallow seem to be the most logical, researched and biblically grounded.

I'm glad to be learning just how much of the cultural air I've inhaled. Just how much of the status quo I've swallowed. I'd love to hear from readers who take the challenge: Read the book and let me know what you think. It's a bargain, really. For only 10 bucks, you may be set on a new path toward the very thing you've long desired. If I could offer a money back guarantee I would. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

A Stouthearted Read

Thanks to John Thomas for mentioning this A-Z list in his latest advice column on Boundless. John's a sage friend and witty writer. It's an honor to be included in his advice to young women wondering what makes them marriable.

In addition to all the character traits listed below, it's important for single women to know what things they should avoid, things that undermine their best efforts and desires to marry well. I'm reading a new book that goes a long way toward understanding the truth on this presently blurry subject. It's called Getting Serious about Getting Married, by Debbie Maken. If you really want to understand the seeming epidemic of protracted singleness, this is a must read. A lawyer by training and wife and mother by calling, Maken presents a compelling and thoroughly-researched case.

A few gems to get you started:

"When we ignore the fact that God made marriage for our benefit ... we deny our very nature. God created us for marriage. The reason singleness is disappointing, lets us down, and leaves us wanting more is because singleness isn't what God intended."

She paraphrases John Calvin thusly: "Satan dishonors marriage by fooling us into believing that singleness is okay."

"As single Christian women, we must ask for the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth on singleness--not validation and affirmation for something we don't really like in the first place. ...We must declare outright that singleness in general is not biblically supported..."

"What many men in our generation fail to see is that being single without meeting the necessary criteria set out in Matthew 19 is just as unbiblical as sexual activity outside of marriage."

And finally, "Biblical singleness is hard. It requires giving up dating, sex, and marriage and committing to work for God in a sacrificial way. If you're not called to this kind of singleness, you're called to marriage. There's no middle ground."

Her words sound eerily familiar. You know when you read a book and think, "this person's been reading my mail!" -- that's the experience I'm having reading this. The message is so in line with what Steve and I have been saying and writing that in some cases, it's almost a direct quote of our private thoughts and conversations. Uncanny. I'm glad this book is out there. For all the controversy it's sure to arouse, the conversation is long overdue. And it's invigorating to see this message gaining support. If the gals who email me represent the Christian culture at large, it's a message much needed.